The Art of Waiting

Sometimes the clock seems to stop when we expect it to keep moving. Sometimes we demand answers when there are none. Why do we insist on pushing when sometimes all we need to do is wait for the doors to open? I ask myself this question often. It’s hard to be patient but sometimes it’s the only way.

Sometimes the demand to move forward is so great that it feels as though it would make us explode if the first few steps weren’t taken. The pressure is real and intense, but can be withstood. How is it withstood, how is it overcome? Like any storm, it has to be waited out. If we stay strong though the storms we can walk out and feel the suns’ rays warm our body. The blue sky and sun break through the dark clouds, and nature settles.

Patience is not an easy thing to apply. To those who are used to getting everything done so quickly and efficiently it is even more difficult. To them it feels as though they are holding themselves back and everything is being sucked out of them. It consumes there mind and they have a hard time understanding why they can’t move forward.

To some it comes naturally and is somewhat easy for them to be patient. They are used to a slower pace and are usually more relaxed. They have a “Come what may” type of attitude and embrace challenges. Some people see these people procrastinators and lazy. I think there is a definite line between patience and procrastination.

So how do we find the strength to wait out the storm? How do we make what should be a trial a learning experience? How do we come out for the better? I can think of many answers to these questions but there is one that resonates. Attitude, it determines everything.

I know that there are close to a million quotes about how important attitude is and the benefits of having a good one. They are true, and it will probably take a million more quotes for some people to fully understand it. Some won’t ever understand no matter the millions of quotes that will be written in their lifetime.

Second, focus on the benefits that will come as you go through the hard times. Many times it is easy to find ways we are benefiting; sometimes it feels like it is impossible. When it feels like it is impossible we are more then likely looking for the things that we want to come from the trial, not necessarily what logically we will get from it. Stay focused on realistic benefits.

Last of all, ask for help. We all have family and friends and we should never feel like we can’t ask them for help. No one wants to be a hassle but we know that our loved ones are more then happy to help us, it just hard to accept that sometimes. It is why we have friends and family, they are there to help us. I know that I have been there for my loved ones and they would be there for me.

I know it’s hard to be patient, but it is worth it. I am a terrible example of patience but I try. I think I have done well in some cases and poorly in others, either way I have lots to improve on. I hope that this can help someone but if not it was a pretty good crash course for me.

Speaking of Knowledge and Wisdom (The Love of Knowledge)

Questions, thoughts, beliefs and theories. Conversations about life and what makes it important. Things that are special and things that are mundane. Spoken words that convey a reason. Discussions of spirit of faith.

Pushing yourself to think differently. It strengthens or reshapes your beliefs. Playing the devils advocate to look at both sides of an opinion. Stretch your mind out and let new reasoning in. Let new thoughts and beliefs end and begin.

Knowledge is what drives this world forward. The progression of science and humanity. Pushing us to space and far underground. Writing books that become timeless and others that are forgotten. So much left unknown and yet so much found.

Down the Rabbit Hole

I do not want this to be a political blog by any means but these are some of my feelings lately as I have watched the news. I am scared for this country and hope that it can correct itself before it's too late.

 

In America it seems as though what once was up is now down. What was wrong is somehow now okay. Things we fought against destroying our nation we now welcome with open arms. We welcome it without the slightest of hesitation.

What turned us from a country that fought for freedom to one that simply watches from the sideline as bureaucrats slowly swindle it away? When did political parties with morals turn into the punch line of bad jokes?

We are now over a trillion dollars in debt, the unemployment numbers continue to rise, and our government says everything is fine. We see what is happening but we somehow still listen to a teleprompter puppet tell us lies from the tablecloth and we say ok. We say all is well, all is well. It is not.

Since when are companies and states too big to fail? Who decided that it was a good idea for our government to invest more of our money into these already failing companies? I am pretty sure we all learned in high school economics that investing in a failing company was a bad idea. In fact I think it is common sense. Maybe I am being too hard on our congress men and women. Maybe not.

California, New York, don’t beg for help. It is your financial problem to deal with and unless we get to vote for your leaders, hold your tongue. It was your frivolous spending got you into that mess, you find a way out, or, fail.

We the people are what made, and still make this country great. We fought to free ourselves from England’s grip. We came together after tearing ourselves apart during the Civil War. We pulled America out of the Great Depression during WWII by working hard and standing together.

We are a great nation, let us not be weak, let us not be idle, and let us not be mocked. Let us arise and take our country back from those who seem so pleased to violate the very Constitution that founded our country. It is possible America, we can do this. We have the right to vote, vote. We have the right to free speech, speak. We have the right to peacefully assemble, assemble.

It is time to wake up America, be the restless giant that I know you are. I am afraid that if we don’t act soon when we do wake up, we will be in red pajamas.

The Better Choice

All through our lives we find things that are the best for us, or so we think. When we were kids we though it was best for us to stay up later then our parents would let us. We thought that sugary cereals, candy, soda, and junk foods were the best choice of food.

As we grew we discovered that those things, however delicious, are best consumed in moderation. We learn that fruits and vegetables are better for our bodies and don’t make our stomachs ache. We learned that there is a better choice.

In our teenage years rock concerts, staying out all night, going to parties, and a popular high school status were the things that were best for us. We walked across a stage and received our high school diploma, we moved on. Our classmates went out into the world and we were left to ourselves. We began to understand that getting enough sleep, family time, and praise from people that are important to us is better for us. We learned that there is a better choice.

We fall in love. We become so happy, so enthralled, so very in love. Nothing can change our mind, nothing can shake the feelings, and nothing can take us from the euphoric high. Our hearts pound in rhythmic pleasure as we hold hands and our lips touch. It is what we all desire. We desire to be with that person more than anything.

I was in those shoes not too long ago. I thought I had found the woman I wanted to be with. We were going to get married. I thought I was in love, I thought I was sure, I thought that no matter what, we could work it out. I thought wrong. I was blinded by my own desires to see the reality of the situation. The drama, the madness, the sheer impossibility that was created by stubborn people was enough to wear us out.

She wasn’t strong enough to stand up for me, the person that she said she loved and wanted to be with. She could have overcome it but she didn’t. She was still a girl and not the woman I desired. As I look at it now I see how unhappy I would have been with her. She was not the best choice for me.

I know that there is a stronger woman out there. I know that there is a more driven woman out there. I know that there is a woman out there that will make me so much happier in every way. There is a woman that will be a much better choice.

Walking to Paris

I am walking to Paris. It is a long walk, but I enjoy it. The scenery continuously changes and is never boring. I have passed some familiar areas but most are new. One week I was in the mountains climbing down a cliff face, the next I was in suburbia. I have gone through forests, over rivers, under highways, and along sidewalks. I have walked miles.

The walk has been filled with words, symbols and silence. Some words are more formal, some are sarcastic, words none the less. Words have gotten to know me and words have described me, and through words I have been able to express my feelings along the way.

I haven’t been traveling alone. In fact the trip is as much for her as for me. We travel together. We talk, we laugh, we don’t know what to expect but we walk. We have walked for miles now. We wandered over railroad tracks, climbed to mountain tops, and have even gotten lost.

The stars have been our entertainment. It doesn’t matter where we are we can always see them. Car hoods, rusty chairs, warm asphalt, along darkened streets and grass banks. The stars are there. On cloudy nights they have reassured us with there twinkling light made visible through small holes in the grays above us.

We have grown from strangers, to acquaintances, friends to more. We grow and it seems as though the miles shrink. Miles that once seemed endless are now enjoyable. They are enjoyable for the sounds, the sights, the feelings, but mostly the company.

Company that makes me think, lets me express, helps me grow, and simply understands. Understands where I come from, understands how it feels, understands the discomfort, but believes it is for a reason. A reason for hurt, for solitude, for life, for health, a reason for everything.

There are many miles ahead, and many obstacles that lie in wait. There are things that will be harder then others. We focus on where we are now, not getting ahead of ourselves. One step at a time, one foot after the other, left and then right, right then left. We are walking. We are walking to Paris.

A View Into My Thought Process

I know by the title alone this seems like it could be a scary prospect. It scares me to even think that I put my thinking process on cyber-paper. So read at your own risk. Remember I warned you. Honestly, I hope you enjoy.

My Thought Process

I have so many thoughts in my head that little can escape the tangled mess of numbers, rules and random facts. When a thought does escape it seems to take the form of a relayed dream from the night before, and almost never makes sense. “You were there, but it wasn’t you,” “I was running and there was this cliff and I fell,” “The pool was full of Jell-O and I only had ten seconds to eject but I couldn’t get my slippers off.” You know how dreams are.

Sometimes a thought comes and other thoughts hold on to it, like little red monkeys emerging from a blue barrel linked only by a millimeter grip and the pull of gravity. Almost always a random thought comes from nowhere causing the monkeys to fall clinking against the wood floor. Systematically, the thoughts are put back in the barrel and my mind begins re-linking them in a new pattern.

I don’t know why I haven’t been able to get thoughts out lately and words aren’t flowing as usual. It could be simply because my mind is a little preoccupied with several things. Some hold more importance then others, others seem to hold more attention, attention is in short supply, thus my problem.

I have the ball-and-chain of school gripping tighter around my ankle, not wanting to let me go in a few weeks. It is trying to drain me of all desire to do anything and everything. On the other hand I also have helium balloons tied to my wrist balancing out the pull so I guess I can’t complain.

It is a new and exciting time in my life with so much going on. Maybe that’s what it is, over stimulation and too much stimuli. I think that is a safe bet, not to mention more scientific. I think that it is diagnoses confirmed for my current state of mind.

Blank Paper and Full Pen both Parts

I wrote this blog post on another blog of mine and it is essentially how this blog started and got its name. I have since written a new part to it so I hope you enjoy it.

Part one

I feel like I am getting ready to start a new chapter in my life. It is kind of funny because I feel that for the last little bit the pages were written so fast that I wasn’t even so sure where I was at. In a way lost in my own story. Then the pen stopped and the story halted. I stand at a new cross road. Trying to be bold and do what the great poet Frost said and take the road less traveled, but I am not even sure what road that is.

My labored work has been crumpled and the writing gone. The paper was not wasted though and those writings were not in vain. I learned valuable lessons in my life through those ink splashed papers. The writing was sweet and filled with love and with happiness that I had never known before in my life. It also contained very dramatic scenes that usually find themselves in Shakespeare’s plays of love and feud. Unfortunately the writings seemed to have an ill fated outcome no matter the writer’s wishes. It became too much with all of its many twists and turns and the chapter had to end.

There were no cliff hangers, just blank paper. An endless amount of possibilities wait to be told. My hand has become cramped with the fast paced and extensive drama that found its way into my life. I don’t wish for more drama. I could do with a simple Waiting for Godot at this point. Where last several years have felt like a soap opera a seemingly calm chapter would be nice.

So now I sit. Tapping the pen trying to decide? What happens next?

Part Two

I feel as though my pen is moving again. The brief brainstorming period has passed and the story is beginning again. The old pages have gone far away in a distant place in my mind, used words silenced and given back. My heart has healed and moved forward leaving new open spaces on a once cluttered canvas. A canvas beating to the rhythm of the new prose now written upon it. Prose formed from tiny etchings slowly building their story.

How will this chapter turn out? Will it be a love story or an adventure? Will there be damsels in distress and knights in armor? Will there be tragedy or will there be joy? Will there be a prince and princess or simple peasants? I think the story will be much simpler then I can imagine. I am okay with simple though. I desire no drama. I pray that the twists are few and the cadence pleasing. I do not know all of the details but I am excited for the adventure.

I will take this chapter slower not wanting to cripple forming plot lines. My sentences written carefully making sure to be clear in all intentions. The new words have already started painting pictures of light and of hope. The characters, some new, some old, none the less are ready to play there promising parts. Look now, I think the main characters are about to step forward.

This Morning

Today the sun finally came out. It woke me this morning as its light crept across my floor and then slowly retreated back as the it passed over the window. It has shied away behind the rain clouds for most of the last three weeks. The greens now revealed are remarkable in there variations from plant to plant. Some dark almost black and others yellowish as light pierces through them.

Birds are singing happy songs now that their bellies full of worms that were stranded on the concrete sidewalk. Mushrooms have sprouted up all over on the lawn and around the base of an old cottonwood trees' trunk. The ditch water is sparkling as it slowly pushes through the hanging overgrowth all around it.

My dog is barking in her sleep at what I can only guess is a dream squirrel, her legs twitch as she chases him down. On the bird feeder an actual squirrel is foiled by modern technology in its attempt to steal some seed while the dog sleeps.

The sky is bluer then I have seen it in a long time, the air is cleansed. A butterfly flutters by and lands on a flower down below. My stomach starts to growl so I walk away. The view from my window was unbeatable this morning.

Baking Soda Biscuits

Baking soda biscuits are not as good as baking powder biscuits. This is an obvious statement but it took me the hard way to find out.

As I made the biscuits I followed the directions meticulously. I got all the ingredients out and set them on the table. In my hurried state I grabbed baking soda instead of baking powder. This one mistake ruined what would have been a great breakfast for dinner.

The dough looked perfect as I flatted it out, cut it, and put it on the pan. Ten minutes later they came out. Golden brown. The aroma pierced my nose causing my mouth to water. I finished up the potatoes and eggs and set the table.

I broke a biscuit in half on my plate and drizzled it with gravy. My eyes grew with the thoughts of soon to be satisfaction. I put a bite in my mouth. Right off I could tell something tasted kind of funny. It wasn’t until the after taste that I got sick. I couldn’t even get the bite down. How is it that one tiny ingredient make such a huge difference. Everything else was right, it all looked right. The ruined biscuits went to the trash and my taste buds were left disappointed.

I have encountered many baking soda biscuits in my life. Some with a more bitter taste then others but baking soda biscuits none the less. We always have to be so careful with the ingredients in our lives. It is a delicate balance that goes into a friendship and even more so in a relationship. Watch your ingredients closely.

When your recipe goes bad remember that you can always try again. Sometimes the taste is so bitter that the thought of having to even try a new bite is more then we can handle. It is okay to take it slow and make sure that everything is done perfectly. Always keep in mind that once you get it right and you have a genuine baking powder biscuit to really appreciate it and savor it. To many times the good biscuits come far and few between.

Burn Away

Let the fire burn away, the hillsides spotted grass. While down below across the sand, the waves still break and crash. Abstract Shadows on the PCH,smoke plumes rising high. But the ocean's still crystal blue, ruled by the tide. Houses burned to ruble, black scars upon the seams. Of the endless fabric patterns, made up of California dreams. Let it burn away the memories, good ones and the bad. Let the smoke suffocate, the Love that I once had.

Let it burn away.

Dreams

Hold to your dreams,tie them down.Keep the gravitated,wrapped around your arm.
Don't let the strings intertwine.Let them sway left,through the currents in your mind.
Pulled right by ideals of life, reality and achievements blue sky. Up to the heavens your black balloon's will fly. As each year passes one less dream you'll know. Only one string left in your hand. Stained from life's rain and wind. You shake then let it go. Life is much simpler, without the pressure on your soul.

White Giants

I found myself captivated by white giants today. I was moved and also inspired by their beauty and presence in the landscape of sagebrush. Its massive stainless steal arms cut through the air with precision and speed soaking up the wind passing through them. In the distance stood many more of these giants spotting the foreground and disappearing at the horizon line. They stole the stage from the distant mountains and rolling prairies that nature had originally set up for the eye’s pleasure. The anomaly these towering forms made was part of the loveliness about them.

They stood out, they made themselves known to any eye that see’s them. I envy them for that. How would that be? Something so great, so peaceful but so powerful, being a force that gets respect by simply existing. If only a person could be as humble as they are with the power the hold. I think that there are people like that.

I think that there are men and women that we can trust, that we can rely on, that know what humility is. People that grew up working hard and know what values are, and actually live them. People that mean what they say, and say what they mean. You know the people I am talking about. You have them in your life. They surround us in our friend circles, in our classrooms, and in our homes. Have you ever wondered, “Am I someone’s giant?”

We can never know at all times who is watching us, who is learning from the words we say, and who is copying our actions. We must always strive to be giants constantly, even when we think we are alone. We are not just the sage brush that is dwarfed by the towering bodies above them. That’s what the world wants us to believe about ourselves. We are individuals that are great and that are capable of doing great things for our fellow men and women. We need to raise above all the words, and all the pressure to become the definitive leaders and examples that we know we can be. We need to stand out for those who need to see that there is hope, and that there is good. We need to be the giants in the landscape that is our towns, cities, schools, and churches.

Be that example, BE THAT GIANT.